Why I choose to abstain.



Why I choose to abstain. 

Abstinance is a personal choice and it’s the best decision I ever made for myself. 

I always valued my body. I am in control of my body. Yes, it was a religious choice but it was also a decision I made for me. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman if you make a choice to abstain stick to it, no matter what anyone else says. 

My decision was made when I saw how perverted some people can be and when I saw how much it can hurt someone who chose to give everything in a relationship but ended up with nothing but heartache. 

It also puts unnecessary pressure on a relationship. Pressure that shouldn’t need to be there. I had a relationship with someone for a few years and we never slept together, and eventhough it didn’t work out I still respect him for never putting that pressure on me. We knew each other fully without having sex.  

It’s a total dissapoinment when a man tells me he thinks sex is a very important part of a relationship. Why do you think that? NO seriously why? If you say it’s because you have needs etc then well, I do not care at all about your needs. Hugs, kisses, holding each other, yes, but I’m not in a relationship with you so you can use my body. 

Like I said earlier, I made the choice because of two reason, the first being my religion and secondly for myself. 


My religious beliefs. 

I have the utmost respect for someone who saves themselves for marriage. It’s admirable. 

When I was a teenager I listened to a cd where a guy explained what happens when you have random hook up’s with someone or you’re having sex with every person you think you’re in love with. 

The guy said that with every person you are in a relationship with or you hook up with, you give a little piece of your heart to that person. If you sleep with someone you give a little bit more. Say you cut out a heart shape out of a piece of paper, with every woman/man you’re with you rip off a piece. 

If you think back on how many people you slept with and rip off that pieces how much paper will you have left? Because that’s how much you have left to give your wife/husband one day. 

Everytime you sleep with someone you give a piece of your heart to that person, a part of your body, eventually you might feel used, empty and dirty. It’s great if you end up marrying the person you slept with, but it’s not to say it will happen and then what? 

God asks us to keep ourselves pure until marriage. Now I’m not being naive here, obviously there might be people who save themselves for marriage and then might end up cheating on their partner or whatever and the other person might then feel that that person saving themselves for marriage was totally useless if they can do that! The thing is that’s the person that cheated’s issue that they have to deal with. Maybe that person didn’t save their virginity as much for God but more out of fear or something. Which might have changed after marriage and having sex. 

I believe God wants to protect us from that empty, used feeling, that feeling I explained (paper) that you feel when you have nothing left to give your life partner because you’ve given so much you now have issues. Nevermind comparing yourself to the previous person your s/o slept with or maybe your s/o comparing you to his/her previous partner. It sucks. 

If you have slept with someone and you feel like you don’t want to do it anymore, God will forgive you and wash you clean. As white as snow. You might then not be a virgin anymore but to God you are. 


My personal choice.

I wanted to cleanse myself. I hated feeling dirty. 

I felt guilty, I felt used, I never felt loved, I never felt special after sleeping with a guy. People who are married and who truly love each other sleep together and might feel that love from being intimate. I hated it and it got boring quickly. I truly don’t get the point of it. I have nothing to show after it… except I feel resentment. 

I knew what I wanted… to stop! 3 years later and I feel amazing. I have my self respect back, now I’m not judging anyone who decides to make it part of their relationship, not at all, if you feel the need to do it then do it, but I just couldn’t take it anymore. 

This is what I do want… it will be cheesy, but I want to meet my future husband, I want to hold his hand, I want to kiss him and I want it to be innocent again. I want him to gain my trust. I want to lie on the bed with him without him wanting anything from me. I want to look at the stars with him, talk for hours, I want to love him unselfishly. I want to respect him. I want him to tell me NO! What guy does that today? 

Our honeymoon night I want to feel new and that I can give him my all. I want to connect with him, feel euphoria and I want him to take my breath away. Like I said, to someone else it might sound extremely corny, but it’s my choice and what I want. 

To people who ask if I miss it? I do not miss it at all. Do I want it? No, not at all. It’s the easiest thing I ever gave up. 

In the end you must be happy with yourself and your choices. If you don’t feel happy, stop. To people who haven’t slept with someone, you miss nothing really. It’s the safest way. 



Much love. 


One comment

  1. Sjoe inderdaad ek stem so saam jou the sadest thing is that with every person you have sex you create a soul tie. And that is really a serious issue emotional issue

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