How to get over a break up.


How to survive a break up with your dignity in tact.

Whether you are a man or a woman we all have experienced the ‘break up’ or the ‘so’ moment. We might just cope with it differently and express our emotions in a different way.

Man have I had my share. I actually find it more difficult to be the one who breaks up with someone than being the one who’s dumped. I think the worst is waking up the next morning after the break up and feeling totally empty.

I’ve been in love a few times but only really loved once. Losing that person feels like you’re losing your best friend. I won’t go so far as to say we were soulmates (don’t believe in that word) but if you spend so many years with someone and you lose that person, it sucks big time.

I’ve experienced the break up and get back together so many times, always thinking this time it would be different. If you don’t match, you don’t match. You can force it but in the end it might still not work.

That’s when the final break up eventually happens. It’s done, over. Now, like I mentioned previously you wake up the next day (usually you are too mad or dissapointed on the break up day to feel all the emotions that comes with a break up) and it hits you, you broke up. What now?

Now you are in the first stage:

Feeling that aching dull feeling in your tummy.

You are alone, yes. It’s not really true, you still might have amazing people in your life that’s there for you, but you want your best friend. What are you going to do with your time? Now there’s no morning text, no one to hold your hand… and before you know it you start feeling a tear roll down your face or not, however you cope.

How do you cope with this stage?

Okay so it’s still fresh. Right now is the moment you must collect your thoughts and switch your phone off even if it’s extremely difficult. You need to think about why you just broke up before sending a text you might regret later on. Try to put your emotions aside and get up, dry your face, make your morning coffee and sit still for a moment, breathe and get someone to talk to. After that you might get the strong urge to run to your phone…

Now you are at the second stage:

You switch on your phone and still nothing, no texts, no missed calls. You might feel dread, anger, confusion. (Aren’t emotions lovely)

After having a conversation with someone you might feel a bit better about the break up, you might think it’s better to take a break or give yourself time to accept it.

Or you might feel it’s your fault, you shouldn’t have said this or that… you shouldn’t have broken up with him or her. Aaah regret, damn regret. If you are the one that’s dumped you might feel that you could have done more, which usually wouldn’t have helped and you don’t want someone to stay with you out of pity.

How do you cope with this stage?

Well it’s a bit of a grey area, deciding to send that text or give that person a call is your decision. If you really know in your heart that you want to try again you can try but it doesn’t mean that person will give you a chance. You might have been better off just putting on reruns of your favourite series, slip into your pajamas and feel sorry for yourself for a few days, after that you might feel better, I did it, it works! Even better, put on music that makes you cry and cry and get rid of all the emotions. After a few days you will feel less sad. It works. You feel a bit better, ready to mingle… this stage can take a while so hang in there.

Now you are at the third stage;

So if you did call or get together and you couldn’t make things work and you’ve gone through the second stage you will want to go out and make new friends. This is great.

This is basically the party stage. Some people prefer to drink themselves into a frenzy others might just enjoy the freedom of going out and meeting new people. If you are one of those who drink, it’s not going to solve your problems or make you feel better, infact it might make you start to miss that person. Instead of dealing with it in a healthy way you might end up drunk texting that person at 01:00 in the morning. It’s all good to receive texts from someone who is a bit drunk, (drunk people speak the truth right?) the problem is waking up the next day and the person can’t remember what he/she said or denies it because they are sober. Don’t do that to yourself or the person you broke up with.

How do you cope with this stage?

It’s great to meet new people yes, but don’t hook up with every person you set your eyes on. You have some emotions to sort through. You will only complicate your own life. Having to deal with letting someone off easy because your not ready for a new relationship and having to deal with your feelings you still work through that you have for your ex.e8533ac3e9b8db1a1421541dd55d7132

You might think that spending time with someone new will get you over the other person (I did and it didn’t work) because right now you might feel desperate, anyone is pretty enough, smart enough etc but in the end it will make you possibly compare your ex to the new person which isn’t great for both of you. Rather spend some time with friends. Make new ones but don’t go into anything serious with someone spesific because as time passes you might miss your ex.

You are now at the forth stage:

You miss your ex. Well who knows maybe after some time apart you will eventually get back together. If it doesn’t work out that way missing that person from far away is all you have. It’s good, it’s part of healing.

How do you cope with this stage?

Well all you can do is go through the motions. Best is to get rid of everything that reminds you of him/her. It might be very difficult but it’s for the best. Remember sometimes you don’t really miss he person, you miss the feeling of being with that person. It will go away eventually. Try not to make yourself seem desperate in an attemp to call like 10 times a day or sending that text.

Men and woman deal with things differently and men might party first and feel later while a woman feels first and party later. The point is it’s difficult to get back to where things were if you want to make it work. Too much might have happened or you might have lost the feelings along the way. You have to respect each other whatever happens.

I’d like to know how you got over a break up, feel free to comment.

Much love.


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